The Mirror Of Other Peoples’ Performance
What an evening that was, bed all week puking and you know what. Then up and out with two friends on a 100 mile plus drive across country to hear a well know (in the NLP world) talk about modelling, that’s what it was billed as anyway.
Resistance is always a massive clue regarding what is ‘real’ for me, and when i say ‘real’ i mean ‘made up’. I was angry ( anger is my front man for a fear lurking some where), mad even, feeling like puking, driving miles, spending nearly 30 quid and sitting here listening to an ill prepared talk from a ‘pant displaying’ teenager, who’s’ web site promised much and I am feeling dissapointed.
It happened in an instant, it feels like that is the way it works, you know the feeling if you have ever been gazing at one of the holligraphic pictures, all colours and muddle and suddenly you see it, cristel clear! I am seeing ‘myself’, the intense emotions i am having have nothing to do with him, they are all about me, he is acting like a mirror to me; and what did I see:
- Fear of failure
- Panic about being good enough
- Insecurity about my body and shape
- Hubris and inflated ideas about my ability
- Delusions about my ‘ground of being’ being one of loving kindness
- Delusion about there being a future
I was not ‘beating up’ on myself, the mirror is just a mirror.
August 9th, 2007 13:16
We can comment freely!!
August 9th, 2007 13:21
Your mirror shows you someone that I just don’t see - not on any of the points - you need to get a new mirror that doesn’t have such big distortions in it, me thinks.
August 9th, 2007 14:43
Thank you jackie. The bit on the blog that says, ‘Iwas not beating myself up’ is key to understanding what is going on for me here.
i get to notice in the mirror what in my story leads me to chose to feel the anger etc. the things i outline are the ’story lines’ i get to flush out by noticing in the mirror. i dont think what i have written makes it clear enough; by ‘flush out’, i mean i was not concious of them until the mirror brought them up, i thought what i was feeling was about him, turns out i was producing those feelings inside and the story i tell myself is in the bullet points, now i know i can let go because as you say that aint true or real, i am making them up!
i know the story lines are not ME, i am the context they are playing in, and i have choice about them when i notice. The ‘pants’ man unkown to me is doing me a massive favour.
August 10th, 2007 08:27
Hi
So much shared in so few words, perhaps the shortest and most insightful self help book to date. I think I have a similar mirror. My challenge is to stay in the moment. Sometimes (many times) it is easier to balme and project onto others - I know I do!!
August 10th, 2007 10:12
Could there be a touch of jealousy there I wondered. This young man obviously has no anxieties about not being good enough and charging for his mediocre performance - oh, if only we all were that confident of our abilities. An observation I would make is that sometimes it is the best, most capable, more aware people who have these fears because they set themselves very high standards. We can only do our best (yes, I am about to read the Four Agreements!) but for some of us ‘best’ is a place where stuff is just OK and for others it is a place of real excellence.
August 10th, 2007 12:49
jealousy is another illusion i enjoy being asleep in, of course i have never tripped up it in the street!
August 21st, 2007 12:12
Comment:
We can choose to change our context. How about compassion for the pantman and for self? And let us remember that only by willing to be a fool can we be on our own cutting edge of evolution which is ultimatley for oneness, all. This trip to experience the pantman and your reaction to the pantman may well be the your valuable experience- and to share it so unabashedly with the world is totally precious.
Where is the pantman in all of this? Awake? Aware?
I wonder..
And I get to look at the pantmans in my life and my reaction to them. Thank You!
September 6th, 2007 16:10
thanks nancy. did you follow the comments.
the mirro of the pantman is the key to unearthing the story i am in about ‘pantman’, he becomes very important to me unearthing and seeing the ’story’, when i see i am awake to it, freedom
September 18th, 2007 13:21
This is all very and I was at the meeting referred to. The presenter i) turned up late, ii) was dressed like he slept rough, iii) used ‘industrial strength’ language liberally and iv) rambled on at length about his other self (the successful, suited, power-house). When he finally had a moment of self-realisation he then turned on the most asinine stage show I’ve seen since I was an evangelical Christian; the discomfort of his ’subjects’ was clear (even to those without the aid of semantic-specs). Rubbish with a capital ‘F’.